Even if your mother “Fucked you up”, Philip Larkin’s way, will you wish her a Happy Mother’s Day? I will.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in the UK.

No,  I won’t celebrate it,  I never do. My children, lovely and attentive all year round, have always boycotted Mother’s Day. They claim it is stupid. I really don’t mind, I am not a romantic.  I have those two lovely adults who like my company and respect and love me. Not just on Mother’s Day.

But I am thinking about my mum, and how until recently, I didn’t think I loved her or even liked her.

I always admired her toughness, the determination. Her deep belief that “Everything is possible if you try hard enough”.

But of course, there is another side to everything.  My mother is also manipulative and persistent in trying to make people do what she wants. “Everything is possible if you try hard enough!” Remember? For years, she used to upset me. Trying to shame me into submission. When I was 50,I decided that crying about things your mother says at this age is pathetic.  I changed the dance.  Remember Harriet Lerner and her book “Dance of Anger”?

It took a while for my mother to get it. But she got it eventually.  I still did not think I loved her, but I started to like her better . My mother always claimed that she loved me I never believe her. But she probably always did.

Over the last year when I was waiting for those cutting remarks in our conversations, but they did not arrive, something wonderful happened.

I suddenly started to love this tough Holocaust survivor, the 88 year old woman who had to teach herself walking again after spinal surgery when nobody believed she would. The woman who learned English when she was 70. A person who has the childlike attitude of “I want to do this on my own”. She tries and tries, and when she fails, she tries harder.

When she hasn’t told me anything demeaning or cutting for a year,I joked that my mother was kidnapped and replaced by a friendly alien. Gradually, I learnt to love that friendly alien very much.

Sometines miracles happen.

We can’t all love our parents. Some of then don’t even deserve our love.

But perhaps we should try. Perhaps my mother is right.

Everything is possible if you try hard enough.

Happy Mother’s Day, maminko (Czech for mummy). I love you. Maybe I always did.

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6 thoughts on “Even if your mother “Fucked you up”, Philip Larkin’s way, will you wish her a Happy Mother’s Day? I will.

  1. This is beautiful. My mother passed away years ago. My father, who taught me: Nothing is Impossible, has mellowed some in his 80s to become less critical and more supportive. It’s such a pleasure to listen to his stories now.

    Liked by 1 person

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