I remember Zoe, a nice 28 year old girl. Zoe had a successful career as a solicitor, nice apartment, many friends, and a very frustrated boyfriend. He loved Zoe very much, and they were both keen to have sex, but they could not find a contraceptive method. Zoe tried various hormonal contraception, and had bad side effects with all of them, she had a coil fitted, which was uncommon form of contraception for a young woman before pregnancies, but had side effects with that, too. Her boyfriend was willing to use condoms, but he just couldn’t. He lost erection every time he tried. And he tried, and tried, and tried.
In the past, I wouldn’t have given Zoe this advice. But I am different now, sexually inventive. And I do not mind sharing my expertise with patients. I sometimes wonder if they find it a bit shocking in a woman of my age.
“You know, Zoe,” I said, “Maybe you should try to take charge of the condoms. You can make it a bit easier for him. Get some condoms, and practice, maybe on a toothpaste canister, that is a similar shape. You could try to put the condom on him, maybe even with your mouth, play with him a bit, and make it into a game.”
Zoe blushed and said, “Really?”
“Sure,” I said.
Two weeks later, a young man who was not registered at the practice made an appointment to see me. I have never seen him before and thought he was newly registering. He walked in, I asked my usual, “What can I do for you?” and he gave me a large bouquet of red roses. I was confused.
“I am Zoe K’s boyfriend, and I would like to thank you! Thank you so much, that advice you gave her was brilliant!”
I was not quite sure what to say. We were both blushing. I had a clear image of petite Zoe with her thick red hair, putting a condom on her boyfriend with her mouth, touching his balls with her slim fingers. “You are welcome, thank you for the roses,” I said.
“Bye and thank you,” he said at the door, half running away. I was smiling for the rest of my day …