Your sex life has nothing to do with your work, right? That’s what I thought. I did not expect my sexual revolution could have an impact on my work as a doctor. It did. It changed the way I talk about sex to my patients.
I used to listen to my older female patients saying “My husband is very understanding” “I am too old for sex” “We don’t do things like that anymore”.
Now I wonder. I just spent several years meeting other “understanding men” through a “married dating” website. Men who are married, in sexless marriages. Nice men who love their wives and families, and do not want to leave their marriages, but who also do not want to live without sex. Men who in the pre- internet time would most likely have an affair with their secretary or other colleague, or go to a prostitute.
The “no strings sex” with a woman who is looking for the same seems safer and better. Of course, all those men were still being unfaithful to their wives.
But with me, their marriages were safe. I had no intention to fall in love, I was already in love with someone else.
So I started asking patients open questions about sex.
On examination of women “Some women when they get older have discomfort or pain or having sex, but it is perfectly treatable…”
I wait what they say, and offer help if needed.
“Some men have a side effect of this medication – problems with erection. If that was the case, please tell me, and I can change your pills to something else.”
I offer sexual advice to teenagers, non-judgemental, making sure they know all consultations are confidential, I would not talk to their parents about it.
I recommend books- my favourite.
Guide to Getting it on” by Paul Joannides. That book is not only very thorough, but also very funny.
Maybe I should become a sex therapist! Me, the woman who used to prefer skiing to sex! Well, that was a long time ago.
Not only I have a better sex life, I believe some of my patients do, too.